Fine, Thank You, How Are You?

This year, October is a big month for me. Tons to get done, hold on to, celebrate, and challenge me. We have, in no particular order: Birthdays Galore, Deadlines for Princeton Reunion Community Service Project, Marine Corps Marathon, and those are just the activities I'm involved with. There are also, spread out among several children and husband, such activities as SAT's, College Applications/Essays, Swim Meets, 1/2 Marathons, cross-country visits, Adopt A Squadron coordination, WORK, school work, and Halloween -- which seems to go On and On and On and On.

Concomitant with all of that, there is the general desire to show the world that I/We are all pretty happy and carefree, despite, again in no particular order: the REAL state of the economy and rising unemployment; clients who think lawyers make tons of money so don't need to be paid right away, or ever; the war in Afghanistan; the crazy people -- and I mean CRAZY -- in Somalia and Djibouti; and doubts concerning Obama's actual ability to make things right, among other issues.

As you get older, you begin to realize that beneath the facade we present to the world, there is almost always a back story. Sometimes the story isn't hard to discern, as, for example, the story of the whiz-marathon runner who actually deals daily with Type 1 diabetes. Other stories are somewhat more undecipherable, such as the beautiful, successful family with currently unintentionally unemployed breadwinners. In both cases, and many more like them, even those closest to those individuals do not always have keen insight into the daily challenges and decisions going on in their households. Put simply, as my brother Rob once did, "Catherine, you don't know everything that happens."

Well, Rob, pardon my French, but DUUHH. (Is that a word yet? It should be, because "no kidding" just doesn't always work as well as a replacement.)

October is a great month to talk about this. After all, it's the Month of Masquerade, and we are all dragged into that masquerade both literally and figuratively. Literally, we dress our kids up and send them out the door costumed as their favorite other-selves. On a side note, it's interesting that as children age, their approach to Halloween completely changes. The transformation is pretty remarkable in that it happens so quickly and so completely. Julia went from being a unicorn to a dead cheerleader -- still trying to talk her down off of that one -- in a few short years. And, it's not all about the candy now, but will be again in a couple of years, just before it's time for her to give up trick-or-treating all together.

Figuratively, we adults learn the tricks of masquerade early on, when as young children, we are taught by appropriate-thinking parents that we must always respond politely with, "Fine, Thank You, How Are You?" or some other response that gives no true indication of how we Really are. The subterfuge, and our ability to accomplish it, gets easier and more prevalent as we get older. We lie to our children in order to protect them from such serious matters as illness or economic troubles, for example, or we continue in routine patterns with friends and associates so as not to let others know something is amiss either at home or at work. All of this subterfuge, though, can cause incredible stress.

Part of me thinks that this is one reason why Facebook and Twitter are so popular: people want others to know them. Facebookers are actually individuals reaching out to the world on a uniquely internet level. It is truly a Catch-22; you need to be in front of a computer screen to participate, i.e., not out in the actual in-person social world, but you are doing everything you can to be part of a world where there is constant social interaction. Facebook profiles are set up so that others can pat you on the back for daily glories and challenges, so that "Friends" can be each others' on-screen cheerleaders and send happy birthday wishes. Inevitably, your Friends can answer your questions, provide movie/book reviews, or simply provide commentary on your daily quandaries. You can also type endlessly concerning the troubles in your life, thereby not only soliciting insight and on-screen therapy but also reducing, in a small way, the stress itself.

Of course we adults may continue to poo-poo Facebook, Twitter, and all the associated sites that I'm sure are out there but of which I am as yet blissfully unaware. What is a bit unclear is whether Facebook has made actual inroads on the subterfuge most of us are so adept at. My gut tells me that yes it has, if only because people that tell the truth on Facebook do not always have the opportunity to share their truths with those outside their small circle of friends and family, as Facebook gives them the opportunity to tell their stories to a larger audience than would even exist without the platform. Some of what people share Is kind of incredible; for example, even if you are only changing your profile from "in a relationship" to "single," you are actually letting a whole swath of people know that you are no longer attached to your significant other. Another interesting phenomena is the age aspect inherent in Facebook. Because Facebook is so much a part of teenagers' lives, its effects are obviously somewhat generational. It will be very interesting going forward to see how these teen Facebookers interact as adults.

Needless to say, while I'm not a huge fan of masquerades, I'm comfortable with the subterfuge that the majority of us adults maintain in order to peacefully proceed. That is, as long as we're all in it together, AND we all recognize the fact that at any given time, Everyone has her own back story.

P.S. As a parting shout out to my own significant other, I thought I'd include below some lyrics of which he is so fond. They fit in with this month's theme of masquerade, and are from Brad Paisley's song "Online." Enjoy.

I work down at the Pizza Pit
And I drive an old Hyundai
I still live with my mom and dad
I'm 5 foot 3 and overweight
I'm a scifi fanatic
A mild asthmatic
And I've never been to second base
But there's whole ‘nother me
That you need to see
Go checkout MySpace

'Cause online I'm out in Hollywood
I'm 6 foot 5 and I look damn good
I drive a Maserati
I'm a black-belt in karate
And I love a good glass of wine
It turns girls on that I’m mysterious
I tell them I don't want nothing serious
'Cause even on a slow day
I could have a three way
Chat with two women at one time
I’m so much cooler online
So much cooler online

When I get home I kiss my mom
And she fixes me a snack
And I head down to my basement bedroom
And fire up my mac
In real life the only time I’ve ever even been to L.A
Is when I got the chance with the marching band
To play tuba in the Rose Parade

Online I live in Malibu
I pose for Calvin Klein, I've been in GQ
I'm single and I'm rich
And I've got a set of six pack abs that would blow your mind
It turns girls on that I’m mysterious
I tell them I don't want nothing serious
'Cause even on a slow day
I could have a three way
Chat with two women at one time
I’m so much cooler online
Yeah, I'm cooler online

When you got my kind of stats
It’s hard to get a date
Let alone a real girlfriend
But I grow another foot and I lose a bunch of weight
Every time I login

Online I’m out in Hollywood
I’m 6 foot 5 and I look damn good
Even on a slow day
I could have a three way
Chat with two women at one time
I’m so much cooler online
Yeah, I’m cooler online
I’m so much cooler online
Yeah, I’m cooler online.