Coming Clean

Julia put a peach -- whole -- down the toilet yesterday.

I had an idea that something was up when she asked me how big the toilet pipes were. At first, I tried to put her off, but she wouldn't be dissuaded. Questions such as, "Are they as big as the toilet?" "Do they get smaller?" "Do they stay big until everything gets away from the house?" and so on, over the course of an hour or so. Yes, they start big and get smaller. Yes, the pipes carry "stuff" away from the house. Yes, we call the plumber if something clogs the pipe.

Eventually, even I realized something was not quite right. But, imagine my surprise when she told me she had pitched the peach into the new upstairs toilet. She's 9, going on 10, so I thought I had safely passed the days when I had to worry about toys, hair (Uncle Matthew ...), etc., interfering with stuff rightfully in the bowl. However, turns out she had a thoughtful reason for pitching the peach: apparently there wasn't any liner in the bathroom waste basket and she was worried about ants. From Julia's perspective, ants are a lot worse than a potentially blocked toilet.

The point, you're wondering, of sharing my child's childish behavior? Well, as soon as she (finally) told me what she'd done, she burst into tears and told me she was sorry. Told me that she'd pay for the plumber out of her own money. Told me she'd never do it again and that she thought the pipe was big enough. And, I believe her.

In the back of my mind during this episode was the work I should have been doing while dealing with Julia's late afternoon drama. I'm putting together an appeal for a criminal case where our client was convicted of rape. He denied it, and we believe him. Unfortunately, during the trial the victim told the jury that she had screamed for help through her open window and that there was no one in the adjacent parking lot to hear her. Months later, after our client was sent to jail, the same victim sued the real estate management company that maintained the apartment building. During discovery in her civil suit, the victim testified, under oath at a deposition, that in fact there was a security guard in the parking lot whom she saw but who ignored her screams. The management company settled its suit with the victim, who walked away with thousands while our client sits in jail. We are trying to get him a new trial, but at least one judge has already said that the victim's lie had no significant impact on the trial's outcome.

Is it too much to expect outrage when the consequences of a lie send a man to jail? Is it the judge's job to protect the alleged criminal, as well as the victim, from the consequences of a lie? At what point does a lie accumulate enough significance to affect the outcome of any given situation?

Is it too much to expect people to tell the truth? What is going on with four presidential candidates who believe that in this age of instant and constant media fact-checking that it is possible to lie? At this point in the campaign, I am applauding Sarah Palin's presence for the significant fact-checking her statements have brought to the news. Yes, she put the plane on Ebay, where it did Not sell. Yes, she believes in teaching abstinence, but has first-hand evidence of the consequences of teaching nothing else. Yes, as Governor she rejected funding specifically targeted for the Bridge; she did, however, seek funding for the Bridge while campaigning, and eventually accepted funding not for the Bridge but for the Road to the Bridge. Yes, Barack Obama and John McCain BOTH voted in support of funding for the Bridge.

Don't get me wrong. Like millions of Americans, I couldn't care less about the Bridge. Aside from the few thousand people it directly impacted, the Bridge itself is a non-issue. Except as a device for examing the tendencies of each candidate to come clean, to own up to their past victories and mistakes, and their willingness to take responsibility for same.

Is it too much to expect truth from the person who will become President of the United States? Unlike the judge who decided that the victim's lie was irrelevant to her overall truthfulness and the jury's sentence, perhaps I am simply too naive. All I want is to be able to go into that voting booth in November and put a solid black line in the box next to the name of a person I can believe, as much as I do my 9-year old. Before this election, I never would have believed that would be so difficult.

Begin Chasing Shade

Summer has finally given way to Fall. As we New Englanders break out the sweaters and replace flip-flops with shoes, Congressional leaders in Washington, D.C. are oblivious to the weather outside as they meet to decide how to save the U.S. economy. In New York, meanwhile, Sarah Palin, quite possibly the first woman to become Vice President, or, someday, President, is getting lessons on foreign policy from Henry Kissinger. In Finland, parents are waking up to plan funerals for their children killed by a hero worshiper of the Columbine Killers, and in China, parents are learning what melamine is and its effects on children when mixed with baby formula.

Who can blame me for chasing shade? Would anyone blame us mothers for doing everything we can to raise our children in selective ignorance of what is happening in America and around the world? I, for one, have recently found that during times like these, taking perceived easier options, striving for simpler choices and solutions, maybe for the first time in my life, has value for myself, my family, and my community. We have chosen to focus on healthy food, for example, and dinners together, instead of searching restaurant reviews for the next best dining experience. We've chosen one sport per season, instead of one sport per day, for each child. Newspaper subscriptions have given way to online news and most e-mailed articles, and shopping and movies have given way to "Dancing With The Stars" and charity walks.

Who knew. Simpler lives can be happier lives.

It is my hope that this Blog will encourage my close friends to communicate more with each other. To tell funny and sad things going on in their lives with their children, spouses, and jobs. The internet can be a wonderful thing, if we use it for wonderful goals.

Like getting back to simple things.